This loath poisoning me, I want it gone. Before it destroys me, I want to destroy it. But I can’t see how I can forgive you for all the hurt (and I have tried). I can’t see how I can learn to live in peace with someone who did not care about me, who did not care that they were hurting me a little each day-everyday.
I don’t like the negative emotions flooding through me when I hear of you or from you. I know they shouldn’t because you mean nothing to me now. But they do, because it is hard to undo all that hurt you put me through, because each time your name comes up, it brings with it all the painful memories.
So stop pretending to be surprised that I am so indifferent to you now. You are nothing to me-a nobody-just another stranger. Do not expect me to give a fuck when you did not.
I don’t know if I will be able to face you again without keeping my dislike from showing. Will the meeting help me to finally forgive? Or will it make it worse? I don’t know. And maybe somewhere deep down, I am terrified to find out. Lest it makes this dislike turn to hate.